Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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