Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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