I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
