Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
COCAINE IS GR8
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize