Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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