You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
