My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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