you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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