I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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