1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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