At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Of course I have a pirate flag
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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