I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Two words: nipple clamps
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