literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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