oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
