I'm so fucking centered right now
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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