can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
