Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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