the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
