there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
