problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
