He disabled his match.com account in front of me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
