best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
