TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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