dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
