how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
