May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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