It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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