Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
