Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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