The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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