Do you still have your period?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want to make out with him forever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
