Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
