I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
