I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
