i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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