it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
