He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
