my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
