Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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