I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
