It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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