Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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