I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
