I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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