No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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