Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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