quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
