she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
