i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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