I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
