In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize