His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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