I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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