Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said her name was "party"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize