Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
