what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
