I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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