Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
