ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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