You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Four minutes until I can fart!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
