is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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