Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I want a musical about memes.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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