Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
