Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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