sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
do nipples grow back?
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