I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone shattered a urinal.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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