East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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