I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
