please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
