sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
