You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
