It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
