it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
