Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
