Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Never joke about your clitoris.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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