remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
