we're chasing vodka with high fives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
