Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
