I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
