i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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