@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
