He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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