She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
