You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
