i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
