I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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