So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize