I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I could have mohawked her pubes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize