I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
