I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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