Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
