Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
