her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
