Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
