we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Less talking, more tequila
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
