She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
