toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
