that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
